Week 52

Written By Rachel Crampsey
69465643_10219851590418549_6927757011220168704_n.jpg


Exactly one year ago today, I was woken by a nurse who came to prep me for surgery. I was alone, terrified and in a tremendous amount of pain.

Looking back, I truly can not believe the events that have transpired since I crashed.

Highs

  • my first steps down the hallway in the hospital with Laura filming my progress

  • going down the stairs of my apartment for the first time after being carried up them a week earlier AND making it across the street into the bakery

  • my first shower after two weeks during which there was a 38 mile sweaty bike ride and 8 days of hospital grime

  • getting into the pool and swimming a lap after my stitches were out, with the seniors from aqua aerobics cheering for me

  • giving up my second crutch with Dr. C holding my hand to help me take my first, mostly unassisted, steps

  • “running” across the turf in the Iron PT office

  • run/walking 2 miles with Josie & Mac during a regularly scheduled Fueled by Doughnuts group run

  • jumping on a 20” box at my final PT appointment

  • feeling all the love and support from my community who fed me and my family breakfast, lunch and dinner for 8 weeks straight, went grocery shopping for me, cleaned my house, did my laundry, took my kids to playdates, washed & braided my hair when I couldn’t shower and so, so, so much more

  • completing my book proposal and having it picked up by a literary agent after months of writing and revisions with my editor

  • reconnecting with my mother after 10 years of estrangement

  • standing at the starting line of the SeaWheeze half marathon just shy of the one year anniversary of my accident

Lows

  • feeling trapped in my body, unable to sit up or turn on my side without help

  • pain so intense I couldn’t sleep for more than two hours at a time

  • needing my 10 year old to put on my socks for me

  • loss of any independence

  • realizing some ‘friends’ aren’t really friends

  • breaking into a cold sweat every time I have to pass the place where I went down


IMG-5139.JPG

Things I’ve lost

  • feeling in my left hip - after a year of moderate progress in regaining sensation I’ve realized what’s gone is gone and it’s not coming back

  • a handful of toxic relationships with people I’m much, much better off without

  • my hatred of track workouts

  • fear of swimming in open water

  • sense of comfort riding a bike on the streets - I don’t know if I’ll ever feel at ease

  • my need to consume alcohol to ease my anxiety, to recover from a long run, after a crazy day/night at the bakery, to have fun, when I’m sad, to kill time….

Things I’ve gained

  • gratitude for my tremendous support system Fueled by Doughnuts, Iron PT, my friends & family, my coach Alden, my editor Elisa, my staff, my surgeon, Brad, Jessica… I would be nothing without the people around me who, through selfless acts of kindness, helped (and continue to help) me be a better version of myself

  • an ambassadorship with lululemon which in a few short months has connected me with a truly inspiring community

  • an interview with Ali from the Ali on the Run Show!

  • notable achievements through Montclair Bread Co: TSA lunches during the government shutdown, a press worthy April Fool’s Day prank, lots of new recipes on the menu including the Carrot Cake Doughnut

  • strength and ability to get me to the finish line

    • 30 second 5K PR

    • 2 minutes 13.1 mile PR

    • nearly 30 minute sprint triathlon PR from June to July

    • 4 minute Jersey Girl PR and 1st AG award

  • body art - over the last year I've added three new tattoos to go along with my 14” scar

  • fire building skills to help fuel my wood fired oven - something I’d only dreamed of having before this year. I’m really good at cooking every meal using a wood fire now too.

  • improved diet & nutrition, for a time it was the only thing I could control. This also led to the creation of the meal kit service now offered at the bakery

  • friendships - yes I had friends before this but this last year has brought new people into my life and strengthened bonds with some who have always been by my side


There was a time when the last thing I wanted to hear was “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” or “everything happens for a reason.” I never want to experience the pain and trauma brought on by this accident again in my lifetime. However, without this accident, without this complete reset, I don’t know that any of the incredibly positive events of this last year would have been possible. I am 100% better, stronger, more resilient and happier as a result.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. It’s only the beginning.



Rachel Crampsey
Next

Week 51